eNdoCrinE MaXiMUs

sacrifices of happiness

2009-08-22T03:48:00.000+08:00

isnt wrong to fall in love
isnt wrong to feel happy
isnt wrong to say i'm sorry
cause i'll leave u one day

isn't wrong to sacrifice
the love u have fore her
to see hear smile
is all u ever wanted

my heart has healed
but it be broken again
cause i know urs is to
i can't bear seeing thts true

all i want is for u to be happy
all i want is for u to feel loved
and if breaking him makes u sad
i'll go so u be glad

it dosent matter if i'm hurt
cause i was made this way
to sacrifice my own
it's what god told me to say

in my heart i'll always love u
in my heart u always be there
it has belong to you
please keep it safe

i'll go but before that
tell me one last time
that u loved me
and it has been my best days..

it started as a feeling

2009-08-10T03:06:00.000+08:00

i wonder..
what happen
did it grew
did u feel it 2

am a toy to u
sumone to give
the desires
u nvr had..

or am i
really the one
that u want
to spent the rest of ur life with

it started as a feeling
then it grew into hope
everything changing
n i love this change

our start
it's rocky n confusing
cause u'll still with another
but i know we'll make it

cause every step
i take with u
brings me closer
to your heart

"you found me"

2009-07-19T03:54:00.000+08:00

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
[ The Fray Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

your guardian angel

2009-06-01T01:26:00.001+08:00

i will never let u fall
i'll satand with u forever
i'll be there for u through it all
even when u saving u
sends me to heaven

where'd you go

2009-05-24T18:19:00.002+08:00

sumtimes it's hard to say things u really wana say..not cause u can't say it...but it feels like it isnt the time yet or smthing..yea that kind of thing..

not a day passes by without me wondering what's next...i've done so much..and i still feel something missing...n it's stuck in my cranium ...i dn't know..i guess only time will tell.ahaha i always say that but in the near end it's always to late...well i guess i gona start not saying why and jus do..

in the near end..what ever happens...i'll never regret loving u...never regret knowing u..spending long nites talking..i'll miss u..

paperthin hymn

2009-05-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight

These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

August evenings
Bring solemn warnings
To remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight

You never know what temporal days may bring
Laugh, love, live free and sing
When life is in discord
Praise ye the lord

Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands

I thought you said forever
Over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
Over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
The sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

These thoughts run through my head
over and over
Complaints of violins become my only friends

I thought you said forever
over and over
These thoughts run through my head

if it means alot to you

2009-05-14T19:55:00.004+08:00

I havent been blogging for awhile ..ahaha cause i've been bz with work..yea hard to believe rite..me working..well it passes the time fast...i've stayed up for work till 8 everyday...so i can go home late...then jus log in to mafia wars..then go sleep...sumtimes i bring work with me home so i'll be bz at home...i'm starting to be a workaholic...OH mY!!...fuck no!!!..ahaha but wth...it dnt matter niways...atleast i got sumthing to do...rather than walk around yishun..thinking bout stuff u dnt have 2...which consumes ur every soul...wtf!! is that all about ahahaz...

i set my new goals today...

1. ORD smoothly
2. work happily in IMH
3. earn buks!!!
4. enjoy my money!!
5. go back packing around europe
6. buy that dream house of mine

yea gona live it up!!...i dnt fucking bother bout my old goals...finding the right gal to marry or live happily ever after...thats jus for fairytales...there's no such fucking thing..

the past reborn

2009-04-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

I open my old com after god knows how long...then i search through my files...i found old pics...i then remember about my past...the memories..the good times..made me tear bit a moment...n there was the bad times...a pic that made me jus shut dwn the com n go back to sleep...

that's sumthing i don't wana remember

future buisness..

2009-04-21T20:24:00.002+08:00

i've been thinking bout my future lately...cause after my NS..i'll be free to do as i will...no more boring mundane work tht made my butt sore...niways....well i've planed..wrote..sign n confirmed!!!....let's say i don't know....i'll get married by age of hmm 25-26...thn thts grreat...atleast i've achieved my agenda of wht i've been saving 4 all my life....n if that never happens...oh well then...dnt have e ans to tht....

but i've got a backup planed...im gona migrate to another country....leave singapore for good...i'm nvr coming back...i've got nthg here nimore...myb i'll strt my life anew....cause i can't live on knowing nothings gona happen here..i've showed u, how much i cared...i dnt know if u really see it...it's not giving up...it's letting go....u know we can't live on pretending like there's nothing...when sumthing is there...n my heart can't bear the pain of getting broken again.....

so i'm leaving...i'm gona throw everything away here in singapore....well thts jus one tot of it...i dnt know myb sumthing happens ...well i'm not putting too much hope on tht...

once u told me u liked me..now where's that feeling ?

backstreet boys--shape of my heart(yea i list em 2)

2009-04-18T02:01:00.000+08:00

Hmm, yeah, yeah
Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here don't put out the glow
Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I've become, oh yeah

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical
So help me I can't win this war, oh no
Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I've become

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

I'm lookin' back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
I'll keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Lookin' back on the things I've done
I was tryin' to be someone
I played my part, kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Show you the shape of my heart

Never ever..

2009-04-14T17:49:00.002+08:00

Words could mean alot of things ..words could lie...words could bring meaning...but it's jus words...instead of jus saying u gota show it..show how much u care..show how u really feel...make it understandable...

u see love it self is jus a word...it means nothing ...love can be said without meaning...to show how much u love sum1 it's to show how u feel...show ur emotions...feel fear..feel happyness..feel the times u share with her by ur side is the only feeling u wana have...i know how it feels..it's confusing most of the time...but when i'm arnd u...i'm not ..i'm so sure of myself that u b myside always...

i don't see anythng wrong with the world around me...n if u can make my heart beat a million times n make me feel things i never felt for a long time...that is the feeling i wana have...not cause i want it..not cause i need it..it's cause I love u...i love u that much that i dnt wana let go of this feeling...it'll always be in my heart...fueling every strands of vessel i have left...

n if u tell me u believe i'm true, i tell those words to u

it's time to make things rite

2009-04-05T23:09:00.003+08:00

i was emotionally imbalance the last time i rant....i never think straight....but now it's time to make things rite...

i set out the whole day thinking of wht i did....n i resolve to the fact tht i'm an idiot!!,ahaha...yes i am..i've hurt the only person i ever loved n cared about..y because of my stupid insecurities that wht will never happen ...happen....fuck ...i've keep pushing those i care away jus cause i believe that when they arnd me ..they get hurt...but wht in reality it's i'm hurting em when i do.....

i know now that wht i did was wrong....i'm sorry...i said this a million times but i really am...i nver wanted to hurt u...now it jus pains me..that ur not smiling....please don't go...i need u by myside...being with u has never felt so painfull yet at the same time wonderfull...i love u so much that it jus kills me to see u cry...

i want to be there for whenever times are bad...take care of u when ur sick...have fun times toghether...make silly jokes bout ppl...bake n cook toghether....i want have the weird moments at the steps of mystery with u....n i wana hold u in my arms n make time stop so we could have this moment forever...

i know that it's gona be hard...but thats love we work it out toghether....there will be downs ..but there's will always be up...cause at the end of the day...i still care for u...

please stay...don't go ..

heal me once more

2009-04-05T03:23:00.002+08:00

a tear drop
down ur cheek
a smile turn around
by words i said

a meaningless life
without a memory
of a brink of light
turns to dust

anger grew to hate
sadness blinds me
from everything
that brings joy

but what was two
turns to one
and feelings grew
into endless

a feeling so strong
unexplained by joy
darkest nites
turns to day

a love i have
heals the cracks
in my heart, and changes
the hate within it

hold me one last time
jus to stop time
and stay in this moment
forever..

here comes the self-sacrfice

2009-04-03T18:53:00.002+08:00

i have always believe that the world is full of misery and nothing good can ever happen...u all will think that i'm emoing again but fuck look n open ur eyes this is reality not a side of hallucination...
it sucks seeing day by day jus pass by u n another day of ur life is gone..u were born alone n ur gona die alone...

i haved lived each day of my life without happiness nor joy ...every time i try to put a smile on my face it will always turn to frown...i brought misery to myself n i'm not gona put it on othere...so i think i have decided...

i know that these will never change no matter if we want to be toghether there's always be a barrier...n myb there's a reason for that ...i've always wanted to make u happy i nvr want to bring u down...n i'm afraid that if ur one day be with me...i'll make u miserable too...altough whenever i'm around u the light jus starts to shine upong my shoulder...n i feel like nothing could ever bring me down....but there's jus things u can nvr chg...n with the delima were having...i know that it's making u stress , fucked up n jus god damn depressing to thing off...so the only way for me to keep to my word of making u feel happy is to sacrifice the love i have for u...n make u go ur own way....i know that u feel much more happier without me being a prob in ur life...i'm sorry for all the heartaches n hyperventilations i cause upon u...i know it's related to me...n looking at ur past..u seem much more happier b4 i came along...i don't know if this is the right thing to do...nothing seems right anymore....but nomatter wht happens ...i'll still be that guy tht bring raibows n butterflies n the right moments....

wonder

2009-03-30T02:38:00.002+08:00

Firstly hooray for earth hour..total darkness at esp was a big hoohaa..ahaha but then again i like the darkness is peaceful and makes me think straight...

So now i starting to wonder weather i made a big wtf kinda feeling ....cause i dnt know..sumthing in my godforsaken heart told me to do it or i'll regret again n again n not knowing wth is going on in my brain....

well then again it was a nice feeling to finnaly let everything go..for the first time i hyperventilate n nvr i had this kinda feeling b4...nvr i was afraid of anything...but now i do...

i'm afraid of losing u

Escape The Fate-Something

2009-03-27T09:15:00.000+08:00

So now you're running, it's hard to see clearly
When I make you angry, you're stuck in the past
And now you're screaming, so can you forgive me? 
I've treated you badly, but I am still here

Sometimes I wonder, why I'm still waiting
Sometimes I'm shaking, that's how you make me
Sometimes I question why I'm still here
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy

Can you help me understand?

And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
(something to somebody else)
(something to somebody else)

You look at me through clouded eyes, 
I know you see through my lies
See the sky, see the stars; 
all of this could be ours
Out of sight, out of mind, 
we've been through this a thousand times
Turn your back and then you make me feel so crazy

Can you help me understand?

And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

You know I would wait forever
Yes, I would wait (I would wait)

You know I would wait forever
Yes, I would wait

And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else

And I'm the one that should mean something
But still you wish that you meant something to somebody else
Something to somebody else, something to somebody else

when it seems so blank

2009-03-18T23:27:00.002+08:00

"take a gun and shoot me...at least i won't do it for myself..."

taken by a novel i read b4 calle the suicide wall book..it's a good book made me think about how precious life can be..

Nop i'm not gona go suicide and stuff..i'm passed that ...i feel that my life rite now it's oredi that depressing n i think i'll die of unknown causes..maybe cause i jus dnt have the strength or will to live anymore...rite now i pray to god to forgive my sins....n i think i gota start b nicer to my family n hang out with my bestbro more ...cause who know i might not even last till tmr...

i'm not being depress here...it's jus the awful truth that i think i am to be...rite now what's keeping me still holding on n making me look at the brighter side of life it's well obviously her...well they say love can really make u change ur perception of things...well it's kinda true..i've been trying to be more positive about things..but i jus can't cause i know that one day it wnt last..she's gona be gne with another n i'm left still hanging...

it happen 2 times b4...n my luck aint' tht good either..tough i'm not really putting hope on it...but i dnt know why i am...maybe cause i really do feel sumthing amazing gona happen or it's jus my mind playing tricks on me....

but whatever it is i dnt wana see her sad,stress-up,confuse n stuff like that it's not nice...ahaha..(i still can make jokes in my most fucked up moment i scare me)...but yea i jus wana see her happy...n if it's letting the one u really love most go then so be it...it's part of my sign anyway...(use see still joking about it)...

"ever felt ur nearing the end...then suddenly it picked u up again"

Self-sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow

2009-03-18T19:44:00.002+08:00

i've been reading some of ralph waldo emerson quotes ...he talks on how even when there's seem to be no hope at all but infact there is....sumthing i think i really need ....some kind of hope..

"what u are comes to u"

a message

2009-03-17T01:03:00.003+08:00

tough were not together
i feel there's a spark between us
it started out small, but eventually grew
it made us confuse n we lye in daze
we talk bout it for hours but never in vain
till one day i realize
that i can't live without u
tough this words seem familiar
but it's true
every smile u give makes me happy
every laugh we share made my heart grew fonder
n every time we spent together my life seem brighter
so now i know i wont die alone
n i dnt think u will to
cause u know in ur heart i'm here for u
n in mine u'll always be there
all i want to say is I love You

stay close, don't go

2009-02-28T09:06:00.002+08:00

And don't you know,
My heart is pumping,
Oh, it's putting up the fight.
And I've got this feeling,
That everything's alright.
Don't you see?
I'm not the only one for you,
But you're the only one for me.

i tought it was jus a crush and it will go away ..but then it grew to sumthing more which i'm afraid of..now i don't know how to go back..i'm stuck in this rabbit hole waiting for the lifeline which never comes..i said things which i tought u wana hear...but not the the things i'm really feeling....i hate this...

I'm TNT

2009-02-15T21:42:00.002+08:00

It's time for some reflection crap ...

i woke up at 9 this morning..can't sleep ..so when for a run....from my area to the park..jus a slow jog..for me to rethink my life...i came up with this so far

- I can never find the right one for me

- if i do , i'll screw it up by not telling her till it's 2 late

- so i'm destine to be alone

- being gay seems right suddenly ( NO!!!)

- i smoke to much for the past 4 years

- i have never been depress the way i am now

- I know sumthing missing...but jus dnt know what...

- lastly porn don't turn me on anymore!! oh no..

so tht's what i tought while i took the run...now need to find the answers...which i dnt know how..but gona do it..ahahaz

Valentines Day

2009-02-14T09:12:00.000+08:00

VALENTINES DAY = CRAP SHIT MOTHERFUCKING BLOODY HELL CRAP

20 months and 19 days

2009-02-09T19:12:00.002+08:00

20 months and 19 days thts 1 year 8 months and 19 days ths 15056 hrs left till i have to decide that whether to stay in this country or not....Mom was talking to dad n i was eaves dropping ..they are confirmed to rent this house n permanently stay in Malaysia..so this tought occured i my mind...WTF!!!! i don't wana move to another country i like it here...altough the bills are shit n the lifestyle kinda sucks...but still i've been living here for 21 years of my life....i mean like if u wanted to move go move when i was younger....b4 i make great frens..b4 i had many memmories..

now i dnt know wtd..i refused to migrate there...i wana stay here..i mean i work here for godsake..i have to reach the damn hosp by 7 am n i usually wake up at 6 jus to go to wrk..cause it's near..imagine from JB waking up at 6 i'll be late..n i dnt wana wake up 4 am everyday...thts crap..

well thts y i've been kinda down lately ...feeling all fucked up inside...i think i have to declare myself an orphan in order to get away...but thts jus stupid...

i know they're running away from this country...but i dnt...y do have to drag me into this...can't they jus go n live togheter n i'll visit them every hari raya...so i could stay here...Myb i shld make a protest saying leave me alone...wth..

i'll know i'll miss alot of ppl here...but i think i'll miss u even more

Story from the heart recording

2009-02-09T13:29:00.001+08:00

here's a recording it sounds bad..but jus listen..the lyrics r in my last post ahahaz

story from the heart.wma -

Story from the heart

2009-02-08T12:47:00.003+08:00

I have known U all my life
never Knew youre here with me
i can't find the words to say
jus to make u stay

tough we're worlds apart
but ur always in my heart
i know it's wrong for me to say
that I love you

when i look into ur eyes
i see a river of tears
i jus wana make u smile
and see the shine upon ur face

when you fall, i'm there
to pick you up
youre never alone
when i'm with u

tough we're worlds apart
but ur always in my heart
i know it's wrong for me to say
that I love you

bad promisings..

2009-01-28T22:32:00.002+08:00

recently i have this weird congested feeling..like ur gona have diarrhea n constipation at the same time ahaha...guess thts love for ya..ahahaz...well it's kinda weird feeling cause this gal i'm falling for it's a very unexpected individual tht i felt to late to fall for...

kinda hard to put my finger on it..cause i know it's fucking wrong ..but then again love works in mysterios ways..no one an expert with it...ask my counsellor bout this prb..even he can't find the rite ans..only told me to take it slow n see how it goes...FUCK...if i keep on doing tht i think she's gona get engage by then..then there's gona be hell to pay..ahaha like real..i'll prbly sulk sumwhere...ahahaz

well she's fun to be with...got almost the same favs as me..out going..dnt care wht hell with the world is..her cute smile..the way how she giggles jus gives me a tingling feeling inside..which is so fucking irritating cause she's rite infront of me n i can't do nithing bout it...dosen't that suck..ahahaz

i guess cupids arrow hit me at the wrong time..if only sooner guess i'll do sumthing...but fuck how am i gona confront her now...these fucking toughts keep revolving in my mind...what happen if she rejects me..n boom shit happens..wasting a long cool gread frenship..ruined agn by love...but they say u gota take risks..n who knows i might actually get it..ahahaz..maybe in my dreams...talking bout dreams..fuck can't sleep cause of her...everytime i sleep this will happen...i go to bed wake up halfway...then shout arghh!!!!!! cause i know it's a dream it's been 4 weeks since i had a decent sleep shit..atleast i have R.L at facebook to keep me company...

if only i knew what to say...i'll tell u i love u...

wht ..huh..wtf??

2009-01-03T11:07:00.002+08:00

torment..criticism...insults... disloyal..let me see this words was described about me in a particular blog ..u see i dnt give a shit about wht ppl say bout me....so i'm gona applaud n say thank u n take it as a compliment...cause basicly i dnt care ..wahaha...yes i do torment ppl..i sumtimes insult..i criticise worst thn simon cowell...i can be as disloyal as i want to get wht i want...

but all my close frens know who i am...they know how my attidude is...it's whts makes the world spin...i dnt need a wide range of fren all i need is a few..so wtf do i care wht u think....

it's over n ur still writing about me...how pathetic is tht..why can't u go on with ur life...i did...

y shld i fight when i know there's nothing to fight about...

the new year resolutions of 2009

2009-01-01T02:49:00.002+08:00

it's 2009 oredi...wow how fast is tht ahaha

1.complete NS smoothly
2.attempt to sky dive the singapore eye ahaha(like real)
3.not to be to insultive towards ppl(rite)
4.complete songs for baybeats
5.figure out a band name
6.get into a serious relationship..(i'm getting old i think it's time)
7.minimize my cigarette intake
8.lose another 12 kg ahahaz(i did the first time ahaha)
9. go out with old nursing buddys
10.Lastly ENJOY THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE WAHAHAZ!!

For you

2008-11-22T22:06:00.000+08:00

as i lay my life
here to u
can u feel my heart
beating..

silence fade away
from you
as i lye awake
in this forsaken tomb...

memories past
like a stabbing wound
anger builds in me
burning like the sun

tortured tragedies
in my soul
misery in my veins
bleeding inside...

pleasure from the pain
reminds me of u..
shadows lingering
in my mind..

walking aimlessly
finding hope
looking 4 a reason to live
for you...

yay

2008-10-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hari raya+ my bday= more food n money wahaha

One word to decide all fate

2008-09-10T16:59:00.003+08:00

Tears Falling down ur face
Hand shaken By fate
heart stop in silence
souls tortured in vain

life torn to pieces
as screams of pain derail
broken heart are tortured memories
close my eyes so i can't see

a misery that surrounds me
one word to take it all away
tearing the wall in my heart
so that I'll be free

Damn MOther FUcking LALA shit

2008-09-07T23:59:00.002+08:00

Soooo lets see..

today was a boring day...yesterday was even a boring day..not only boring ..god damn mother fucking boring..thank god i got my cigarettes to keep me company..so i can jus burn my life away......why bother caring..i shld jus sleep at home n rott myself..but wait...home is where the nagging is..but when i go out...i feel bored also..so wht it's the fucking point..wht is the MOTHERFUCKING POINT!!!!!!!.....i'm jus pretty shitless today...so this is the end...

this is jus random things thts in my mind

2008-08-18T23:34:00.003+08:00

What r u waiting for
isn't it enough
playing with my heart
why can't u take it away

can't my suffering end
havn't i done enuff
wht's in store for me
wht will my future be

can't it jus end
every moment is like
a million years of pain
wht is wrong here

Saying it out loud

2008-08-18T00:10:00.002+08:00

this is random so i make it brief..jus gona give a shout out before anything happen to me...

so here it goes.....

Too those who hate me...FUCK U BACK!!! do i give a shit...

too those who love me.... well thts nice..thk u.!!

too my close frens... lepaking was great...love u guys!!

too my best bud...dnt worry man we'll have one last chill in these forsaken world
.....

tht is all

micheal bolton..

2008-08-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

i have no idea wht is wrong but i feel like listening to micheal bolton every night...i have no fucking idea whts wrong with me...

if u guys dnt know who is micheal bolton...then u are idiots ask ur bloody parents they know..

so life have been so great...

rite.......................................................

i hate so much i want to end...but hell won't take me..neither do heaven..so wht am i to do..i'm stuck here...

the graveyard shift

2008-08-14T03:12:00.002+08:00

so its been 3 nights i'm doing the gaveyard shift...patients are making noises...but i jus ignore em..ahahaz..niways doing night shift makes me think alot about stuff...get me really to analize my tots...so niways dis is wht i figured out so far...

1.i cant live withot smokin
2.i don't eat much at night..
3.i can never sleep at night
4.most of my frens are not really my frens
5.i can rely only on one person
6.i pee so much at night

so this are the things i figured out....today i'm gona sleep the whole day wahahahaz...

dear happy ending

2008-08-08T15:59:00.002+08:00

Silent like the wind
burning like the sun
my heart's broken
insanity has begun

screaming the sorrows
in these empty hollows
self-inflicted misery
jus to end my story

hate controls my soul
which motivates me, to live
breathing the only drug
then could end me

bleeding away memories
so i could live once again
gripping onto empy hands
just to fall again

this might be the beginning
but it's also the end,
of a life that was wagered
now death is granted

Through fire and flames

2008-07-24T17:07:00.002+08:00

I have decided not to talk to anyone whose related to my ex anymore...cause for some reason..it only bring bad memories...altough i'll lose some frens but wth...who cares anyway...i have other good frens...the minority of em ahahaz..but who need alot of frens...they're jus baggage of life...until the end u know they will forget u...i'm keeping those who are more close more trustworthy....

once again it's no being melodramatic...i'm jus deleting the past...n the way to tht is to destroy those tht are connected to it...

so this is me saying goodbye people....
goodbye morons
and so long suckers

The next part of life

2008-07-12T04:22:00.002+08:00

It continues.....

i haven't been ranting for awhile..dnt know why..but guess sumtimes u get lazy ahahaz...
but also i have been doing some critical thinking...about myself..u know those looking forward to the future thing...wondering whts gona happen..making my decisions carefully....

why the sudden move cause..i look at my past and i realize that it's not good at all
i found out alot about myself....so it's time to detox...time to change...

For those i hurt in the past i'm sorry ...it may be my ego..it may be my attitude..i dnt know...i'm just sorry..hope u ppl forgive me sumhow..
for the things i've done i regret it...it was a mistake i shouldn't have made...
and there's some things i realize i said i supposed to do...and i didn't...and for tht i regret it to...
so it's like i haven't been up 2 my word lately...

i find it hard lately to sleep....i dnt know why..it seems like i have alot on my mind...i get distracted at work alot...i'm not sure why too..it's too confusing ahaha...but sumtimes i jus want it to stop...cause it really putting a toll on my mind...

well thts it..see if i update again soon aahaha

Short stories with tragic endings..

2008-07-01T12:14:00.001+08:00

TWO WORDS

"THE END"

Prickly Heat

2008-06-19T22:09:00.002+08:00

when life gets too depressing...n u know u got nothing to live for..so wht u do..jus take a leap of faith n fall in the arms of the devil...

why i start like this..cause recently i heard one of my old fren jus did tht...n yeah now he's like dead...so may god have mercy on his soul..nice fellow tough..dnt know why he jump..

well were human..jus human..a leak of nature tht wasn't suppose to exist...

so we keep it in out minds till one day ..u jus crack n fall...

well we may think tht suicide is the answer cause it's simple to know tht ur dead...but whts the use of losing the rest of ur life...making the waste of past n good times u had...yes bad things always ..it's all part of Life..but if u dnt have an open mind about it....tht this is wht gona happen...

i've been down the road many times...wht keeps me living is inside me which i haven discover yet...maybe i am destine for sumthing good..maybe all of this is jus a test...but the many times i wana jump..jus makes me going back in...

ok let's not talk about me......my life is to simple to understand....

here's a thought..
let's say...ur parent hates u
ur fren are bloody backstabers
ur galfren or boyfren is a cheating bastard
n u jus plain alone in life...

dont u ever think about tht u miss out one person...

no not god..god is always around he nvr leaves...

it's U...

the real question is DO U LOVE URSELF?

not tht is the most important thing in life.....loving urself...cause u make ur own decisions..u make u own happy ending..it is u..n only u tht can decide ur own fate....nobody else...

now think about tht...

Thinking Corner

2008-06-13T22:06:00.002+08:00

today i'm gona discuss a very sensitive subject ..thts is running into the minds of all my frens..and tht is LOVE...

what is love?..all of u ask..

well for those of u who are attached..u think thts love...well 30% of it..the rest is just tht u dnt wana feel lonely n have sumone to cry on yadayadayada...

for some love is sumthing u treasure ..sumthing u want in moments tht will last till death...

it could also the love of our families....but thts all tht bull which i won't cover today....ahaha

u see my fellow asshead nation....love is jus a bloody word which both sexes say to each other to feel happy n comfortable in the hands of our partner...where else the true meaning is well there's no true meaning at all...to feel loved u need to understand...to feel it u need know why what how....most importantly u need to know urself...

to love is not simple...well i think u guys know tht...but if u tell me love is blind...tht what about our parents ..weren't they in love..our peers who has been dating since pri school...arnt they in love...

so my frens..love is not blind..cause one thing..it has no eyes...n also love will always be there until u die ...its not gona disappear out of the blue

so dnt get depress if u get dump...dnt go suicide jus cause he or her is cheating on u...jus lay it down n tell urself..this is not love...this is a test ....a test of love...where we all go through all day everyday...

there could be a billion gals or guys out there...but only one..one will know u..will understand the feelings u have..one will that will stand out from the rest in ur eyes...now tht my frens is LOVE...

is not the words tht matters..it's how it was said

Suicide

2008-06-03T18:33:00.003+08:00

Hearing voices in my head
telling me to jump
cutting my wrist
and let me bleed

confusion in my mind
makes my heart weak
stepping out from sanity
i will finally see

hearing voices in my head
telling me to jump
i let go of my soul
so i would be free

the heart of everything

2008-06-01T19:58:00.003+08:00

i jus have this mood of blogging suddenly ..must be the drugs i took..or i jus had too many cigarettes or maybe tht work is so fucking great nowadays... but yeah lets start ranting

well lets see ..let's talk about my life so far

ITS SO GREAT I WISH IT WILL END

no no i'm not emo..jus lived to long..u know the term "dah hidup lama" ya thts the stuff
i've been a nurse for how long..hmm lets see 2 months already...n let's see wht i get out of it..MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!!!!! yes yes yes my dream of having 4 bloody zeros in my bank is so great...to my frens who are studying hard n still in school or jus plain lepaking waiting for god to give u sumthing...IN UR FACE WAHAHAHA ur broke ur broke ur broke..ahaha kidding kidding u know i'm tht nice..ofcourse i share...NOT!!!!..ahahahaz...but still love u ppl i'm not the heartless ahahah

now lets see whts on my mind..
....................................................................................................................................................
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..

yups..noting ..
well probably not nothing..
i wana sleep
thts all i wana do nowadays

yeah ...
thts not a bad thing rite
ahahahaz

now lets talk about today......

wel i went to work...members gerek...so work was great...amazingly i'm not tht tired today ahahahaz...weird huh..

well thts all...see wheather i'll update again soon...
but dnt count on it wahahaaz

Amaranth

2008-05-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

Baptized with a perfect name
The doubting one by heart
Alone without himself

War between him and the day
Need someone to blame
In the end, little he can do alone

You believe but what you see?
You receive but what you give?

Caress the one, the never-fading
rain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Apart from the wandering pack
In this brief flight of time we reach
For the ones, whoever dare

You believe but what you see?
You receive but what you give?

Caress the one, the never-fading
rain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

Reaching, searching for something untouched
Hearing voices of the never-fading calling

Caress the one, the never-fading
rain in your heart - the tears of snow-white sorrow
Caress the one, the hiding amaranth
In a land of the daybreak

its starting to Fail

2008-05-22T20:22:00.002+08:00

so i went to the doctor after work...cause i gt punch in the eye by a patient of mine...dnt worry i can still see..n since i'm there i told him to check this stupid cough i have...i keep on coughing n coughing..wtf man..

so it's like he check my lungs n all...n he ask wheather i smoke...i said yeah,..then he told me to stop as soon as possible cause my lungs sounds bad...told me to go the hosp to go check it...i'm there saying ok ok...i'm not gona go...

i'm gona jus continue wht i do..and see wht happens..if it hapens it hapens...i gt nothing to lose ..i have completed my achievement in life...so there's nothing for me here...

when it's time to go ..u gota go...

moments suspended in time

2008-05-18T21:40:00.002+08:00

ever had tht feeling when u think u nvr will get it..but thn unexpectedly u got it...which sucks really bad when u know u did many mistakes n sins n u can nvr take it back...

well i have tht feeling now

i'm not gona write here about it..n none of u will know...cause one thing, dnt wana worry anybody...i'm just gona keep it to myself

every second it just got worst...

it's hell of a day ahhaaz

2008-05-10T20:05:00.002+08:00

so guys guess where i'm writting this from...I"m at el-sheikh..ahhaaz..yeah i'm sheeshaing now while writting this ahahaz...well i'm alone here with my trusted lappy..abeh ajak orang taknk dtng lu nye pasal ahahahaz...aku pu yng blanja ahhaaz....

so i went dwn to bugis jus now...tmrw's mother's day went to buy her a swatch watch..169 buks worth...but nothing more priceless thns a mom's happiness n love ahahaz.. it's a cool watch nice design ..i know it's her fav ahahaz...

yeah so well i watching iron man now again ahahaz...it's cool ahahaz

i'll end here peace guys ahahaz..gota get high now ahhaaz...

forgotten feeling revived

2008-05-05T15:24:00.002+08:00

I've never knew
i've never knew
that this could be true
feelings untold, shown anew

long before time
i tought it was wrong
to love u,
but now it's gone

i should have told u
tht i need u
but i guess,
u oredi knew

whenever ur around
i feel happy, yet sad
cause i know,
it's to late for me

should have take a chance
should have make it last
but naiveness gets the best,
of mine

so i know i can't
ever get to u
but knowing ur here
brings me joy my fren

i dnt know

2008-05-05T03:50:00.002+08:00

A philosopher once told me.... Love is a flame need to be tame or u'll get burn n die....rite ahahaz no i made tht up ahahaz...

no no i'm not love sick ..yet!..ahahaz kidding...i'm just under the weather..n bored as hell...i dnt know wth to do tdy..i've been watching movies non-stop..frankly i'm sick of it ahahaz...games are boring to me now..which surprises me so ahahaz...so i have no freaking idea wht i gona do...it's useless to get any comments since u buggers who read my shit dnt really comment ...so FUCK U ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! ahahaz i'm so feeling gay now..ahahaz...

so niways few days back...when ice-skating..yes danny when ice-skating....n u guys guess rite i made a fool outa myself...now i can't show my face to public anymore n so i shall live in a cave ..rott n die ..ahahaz thts so dramatic..i'm kidding assheads...ahahaz.....i had a few bumps..orite try many many bumps..now my ass hurts my arms are killing me n my back feels like it's been fucked on several times..shit...ahahaz but nonetheless it's fun ahaha..n it's nice to feel ice on ass...cause of this bloody warm weather ahahaz

so niways i'm writting to much.. peace assheads!!

ahahaz

2008-04-28T20:02:00.001+08:00

It is a sad sad day ahahaz..

tis is goodbye

2008-04-27T20:49:00.002+08:00

Everyday i wonder,
whether it's right
everyday i ponder
at my future's bright

It's confusing as it sounds
to know y it has to end
i dnt even know why
but as times pass , it sounds right

we rush into the willows
only to get hurt by the woods
should have waited
but were jus human

mistakes was made
n words were said
that i don't feel
my love for u anymore

i'm sorry it has to end
i'm sorry that i hurt u
but this is my only
goodbye

It says

2008-04-23T22:15:00.002+08:00

i dnt know why...but sumthing in my head told me to update ...ahahaz guess i'm bored ahahaz...well thts wht u get if u work in a nuthouse...ahahaz

so far its been a week plus now thn i'm a full blown nurse..no more student nurse...now AN Danial oredi..fuck how i miss school where u can jus lepak anitime u like not have so many shit cuming through ur brain ahahaz....

well i'm not really complaining much ..atleast i earn 1000++ per mnth..so i'm loaded ..FINALLY!!!!!!!!ahahaz

as i close my eyes
i dream ...
of a memory that surpass me
I've seen the person ,tht became me
n the sins of my heart

So I....

2008-04-20T13:03:00.002+08:00

so i'm bored right now..got nthing to do..so let me update on the recent events tht has happen..ahahaz

i'm now working in IMH..yes assheads working there not admitted there... ahahaaz
it's not of a bad job if u have alot of patience...can't wait to go wrk agn...but i hate waking in the morn...it suks..well who likes it ahahaz...

N yesterday i went to my frens party....not bad of a party...i got stomach aches from eating too much now ahahaz...

In my eyes u look beautiful
In my heart ur the only
In my mind u serenade me
In my life ur my everything

hmm jus a tought

2008-04-12T15:15:00.002+08:00

Hmm...i'm selfish has a wide range of ego..

Now now whts with the harsh words....

wht do u guys think ...?

well who cares wht u think

i like who i am

n if dosent fit u

then FUCK OFF!!!

if ur reading this

2008-04-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

I DON'T NEED U

tHat is all...

Pier Resistont~ whtever tht means

2008-03-28T10:39:00.006+08:00

yeah yeah yeah..whts up asswipes ..yup finnaly updated this forsaken blog ahaha alot has happen but i guess life has to go on. haha..well niwas yesterday was the first day of working in oriental here's the pics u guys go ahead ande see peace...

getting ready for wrk...ahaha

my team leader at the door...wonder wht she's doing

the scenery ..this is how free i am ahaha

the cheesy dish....ahaha

these are the so "called" course meal..dnt look appetizing to me
the team ..
Mr president waved at me ahaha
this job can make a man insane ahaha

thts all folks =D

Just to let it out...

2008-01-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

I'm Updating my blog finally jus to release some thoughts..sorry i havent been out n about lately..but attachment jus started n it's the crucial term if i fail this i fail all...FUCK!!!...it can nvr be in life can it..well it never was ..from the day u were born life wasnt easy to be released from ur mothers womb..so why shld now be...maybe until were dead thn it could be easy ...but hell come to think of it...even if ur dead it's not easy...u still need to pay for ur fucked up grave..shit!!!...so jus to tell U guys...i may be bz for this 1nhalf months..until shits over i'm free to do whtever i want to..i could tour whole sg if i could..but y would i..?? *nuts*....

tough i'm not with u n i may be far part from u..but i still love u..n i hope u'll understand...i hope...

The begining of the end

2007-12-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

I have nvr updated for months..wow..ahahaz...well do i give a ratass about it..ahahaz..i'm updating now out of boredom ahahaz...

so niways back to basics..THE END IS HERE!!!...no not the end of the world morons..the end of my school terms...end of suffering torment..of long hours on our butts..ahahaz...but then again its not really the end..it's more of the beginning for me...i'm entering the work life soon and b4 tht..NS is here..damn..so pretty much freedoms' a bitch if u ask me..ahahaz...

well i'm glad i have frens and a darling i can rely on..ahahaz

*END SCENE*

FUCK Uped

2007-11-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

oritez..seems i haven blog awhile..well fuck u..i've been under alot of god damn bloody stress..tht i wish i could blow my brains out....

firstly meaning of tired..yes i'm fucking tired...and my mom takes a chance to NAG!!!!!!!!!!!! bitch..go to hell...i'm tired...u think ur the only one..fuck u...i have to tahan shit from ppl in school..crap ppl give me..a very emotional fuck uped fren who thinks life meaningless n wants to commit suicide..go ahead i don't care anymore..ur going to hell anyway...shit u...!!..projects..with a group tht fucked uped!!!...u guys expect me to think of everything...FUCK U!!!...do it urself shit bag...if u can't even go online to send a single crap...of fucking info..then to hell with it...i dnt give shit...if u don't..i gave u advice not to care...but u take it so heartedly..u want to go murder urself.. WHAT THE FUCK U THINKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!....well it's ur choice..go ahead if u wana do it..i don't care anymore..may god have mercy upon u dick...

i jus dnt fuking care anymore...

A quiz

2007-10-12T20:58:00.000+08:00

My gal done this quiz..mybe i jus try it out ahaha..

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

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What's your personality love style?

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the women that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a girl doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

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Kind and Gentle

Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.
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It Has Begun

2007-10-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

Orite oritez...due to sum ppl who keep asking me to update...i shall update this godforsaken thing...

well lets see alot of things have happen...like one time i woke up.. i found out my pants was gone..only to realize that there were any such things as pants ..when it really hit me..i've not woken up yet...

ahahaz..kk enuff of crap ahaha

so niways holidays been treating me well...i'm slacking to the max!!! i completed all kind of things..like the whole set of Xbox games i chuck sumwhere...all done..clean half the house..done...and i've been cooking alot for buka n stuff ahahaz...well independent child..wht can u expect ahahaz...

the other day i met my baby..pick up the cookies she made me...hehez..sweet of her...I love u hottie...hehez...i show u guys the cookies..but i wana save u guys from the massacre i did ahahaz.....btw baby..my mom love the choc cookies n she was shock u made all of em urself...she gave the green light to marry u...lets get married now can...hehehz...

thats all folks hope u enjoy...peace ya'll

A Heart Desire

2007-09-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

In her eyes i melt
with her kiss i dwelt
and angels touch
so warm and tender

Her heart beats
together with mine
and with her breath
she makes me breath

my river of tears
dried with her warmth
n the the darkness
shine over with her light

the one i love so dear
the one i hold without fear,
she's the only one
that i need in my heart

It's The End!!

2007-09-15T12:08:00.000+08:00

the end of attachment...the end of early mornings and late nights...finally i can enjoy my holidays...tough it's fasting month..still doesn't mean i can't have fun....ROCK NO DIE!!!.....

ok so enough babbling about crap...i nvr update for a long time reason becus...i dnt want to let u furry little bastards bugging into my life... Jus kidding!!...ahaha i'm bz lately but now end of attachment..i still won't update as often..cause i lazy..wahahaz..

i miss my deary very much...one month can't see her..but can't wait for her cookies..hehehez..i nak one carton boleh sayng.!!hehez.....

i'm going out to bazaar maybe next 2 weeks...i wana buy baju kurong and maybe some kueh muih..ahahaz.....just beep me guys...PEacE out!!!

love u soooo much baby

2007-08-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

Hello people!! So this is THE GIRL THAT IS KNOWN FOR STEALING DANNY'S HEART. Haha so long. To make it shorter, I'm his Future Wife. =)

Awww...My baby look so cute

My baby has been busy lately with his attachment. Which explains why he didnt blog that much. Anyway he keeps on telling me he's lazy to blog and couldn't care. So I was told by him to update for him. So here I am. Okay I do not know what to say except:

I LOVE DANIAL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. I'm done.
PS: Baby you rock!!! =D MUACKS!!

Oh btw, he updated suddenly. go read below post..haha bye!!

This fortress of tears

2007-08-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

i dont have good mood tonight...this is wht i hate about mornings..when u go home u face ur family...which i got no mood to hear thier nonsense...i jus don't have it...so mom n dad..stop bothering me..i'm in no mood....the more u bug in the more u make it worse...to my bro..if u'll stop being such an immature ass...n grow up maybe u succeed one day...

i've got screwed by the ward this morn...first was the poing when the AN dissapeared n i have to do this skill alone...then i was caught by the NO..n i was lectured...then this aft b4 my shift ends i was screwed by the staffnurse..cause of one idiotic fag..who wana kpo n follow..i also kena scold....which i oredi took permission i wana send the pt dwn n the nurse said ok..but the tht bloody fag still wana follow cause he wana waste time...so he kamching ah..n then i kena screwed..so 2 time i kena screw...make my day miserable...

the only best thing about today is meeting my baby...i love u so much!!1 :)

a kiss Unwirtten

2007-08-16T09:24:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging once more..cause i've nvr update for awile..lazy ah...wth i wana update about...my life..ahahaz..trust me guys u dnt want to know....n it's better not to know 2 much of my past...it brings back old memories of hatred n pain...suffering that i've fought through the years...now that has turn into a dark cold ball..that is kept supress within me...n if u guys think u have the same problem as me..don't..i'm disturb..ur not...so were nvr the same....

Ok enough bout toking me....lets see i've had attachment for almost a week...n im so bloody exhausted aftr work...i tend to sleep everywhere when i get to sit down..thank god i'm aft the next day i can wake up late..i feel energize if i work at night..i think i feed my energy through darkness so thts y i'm always energetic at night..."P.S. it's not wht u think..sick asses"

so hmm tmr i'll be meeting my sweetie baby...miss her so much..Love her so much...hear that baby...I LOVE U!!!!...never felt this way for a very very long time..this is so wonderfull...i could scream..ahhh!! ok tht sounds gay...ahahaz....

Kiss Of Dawn

2007-08-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

i've never been updating awile...cause i'm too lazy,tired and bz..ahahaz....so wht have i been doing ..nothing much really..jus the other day i went to town with my baby...didn't do much..jus walk around..took pics, ransack toy'r us..ahahz...normal things kids would do..ahahz

hmm i've been having diarrhea 4 the past week now..irritating shit!!..go to the toilet for like forever..i'm having headaches now..ahahaz

k i shall end here...nothing else to say..

KKH

2007-07-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

posting in KKH...damn it was boring ahahz..i clean up babies.. and listen to them cry all morn..which makes me wonder..one day i could be like those parents..having kids..n i see them happy..u know stuff like tht...yeahz..i'm hoping to have kids some day ahahaz...

last sat i watch the simpsons with my darling...ahahz..damn it was funny..especially the pig.."spider pig ,spider pig" ahahaz..

well thts all i gota say...i miss my baby now..ahahaz... :)

the saviours

2007-07-25T08:12:00.000+08:00

look here..it's my band performing at nurses day concert..ahaha..enjoy!!..

so i've havnt been updating for a while...lazy ah..got attachment..come back almost half dead...ahahaz...but hey it's my job..so i'm not complaining much...and anyway guys i'm fine...i'm in a very happy mood nowadays...ahahaz..thks to my baby...miss her much... so niways i end here...catch u guys around sumother time..."\peace/"

supahero

2007-07-19T22:49:00.000+08:00

50%
Wonder Woman

50%
Robin

50%
Hulk

50%
The Flash

50%
Green Lantern

50%
Catwoman

50%
Superman

50%
Iron Man

50%

You are dark, love gadgets
and have vowed to help the innocent
not suffer the pain you have endured.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I miSS u bAby...

2007-07-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

it's the first day of 2.1 attachment..ahahaz..wth...i didn't expect IMH will be like tht...like a prison cell ahahaz..but wth...i don't care...i still like working there..it's more relaxing thn general wards....i met a few of the patients..tok to them they are friendly actually....so it was oritez

people have been making me stress out lately..making me having bad headaches...2 people to be exact...they can't settle their problems like real men....instead trying to be a pussy about it...wtf man...i so hate it...wish they just rot in a crimson hole so they won't bother me..ahahaz

oritez on a lighter note...met my baby after work jus now....had much fun and brownie with chocolate ice-cream is really really nice..it's like heaven.....ahahaz...I WANT EAT AGAIN!!!....ahahaz....i miss my baby..wonder went i can see her again...love her so much... =D..

THe BOOK tHAt SAves U

2007-07-15T02:26:00.000+08:00

spidertube.com

my Heroine

2007-07-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

i was once broken
n my heart was tortured
by the darkness
of my past

i grew weak
living astray
from the living
i was dead

my passion for death
grows stronger
n my souls burns
withing the fire of pain

but then one day
an angel with
a heart so pure
saved me from falling

i found hope
within her heart
and her love grows on
my broken soul

she's my heroine

To yoU

2007-07-06T07:50:00.000+08:00

u saved me from the darkness
u healed my heart
n u made me smile
in every way

ur tenderness touch
warms my soul
ur kiss makes
me weak inside

ur the one i need
the one i concede to my heart
cause ur my only angel
in my heart...

i love u.....

i'm so In love rite now..it's confusing

2007-07-03T00:49:00.001+08:00

so niways...i have been having this emotions for quite sum time..i think she knows it...i dnt know..but i think she does...ahahaz..i wana tell her so much..but it's like i'm so afraid...guess i have to find tht inner spark thing..to say it...hmm i'll say no more...i will tell her..cause i dnt want to lose her...

i'm so In love rite now..it's confsing

2007-07-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

i wana tell u ..but how?..

2007-07-01T21:17:00.001+08:00

so oritez guys...TRANSFORMERS RULZZ!!!!...ahahaz...so niwaysz...yesterday went out with a dear fren of mine..watch transformers..love those car transforming things...ahahaz...then after the movie..went down to paya lebar eat satay n rojak ...ahahz..can imagine how full i was..ahahz.....fun day tough..love it.!!

orite on another note...i'm addicted to cheese crackers...ate like a few packets of those withing a day...hmm well nothing much to say now... btw,,i gt the transformers game...wahahaz...i'm so addicted to it now...."auto bots roll out"

i love u

2007-06-29T02:13:00.000+08:00

i kept my heart quite
i kept my soul tight
i keep hold my hands tight
cause i'm nervous around u

my feelings are confuse
weather should i love u
cause i don't know if u
would love me too

u made me feel special
like no one else do
i think ur the one
that i wana say i love u

angel of my heart

2007-06-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

it's her eyes that caught me
with her smile she heals me
her touch supple as the clouds
her soul warmths my heart

her smile brightens the darkness
her laughter makes me smile
her voice as soothing as
the birds singing

i breath her every breath
n live in her every step
she's all i every need
she's the angel of my heart

WAIT...

2007-06-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

one of my fav songs..by steelheart..called wait

Ain't the world such a loney place
All caught up, I fight the wait.
Am I the one that hides the pain, After all the fights the
same.
Wait,
Wait, feel my heart it's slowing down
Wait,
I'm waiting for love cause I need you now.

Heaven must try to steer us right
and though it's sad, I lie,
the frozen sunshine and crowed rain, I switch reasons,
here it comes again.
Wait,
I'm waiting, feel my heart it's slowing down
Wait,
I'm waiting for love cause I need you now
I need you now
(yes....so I reach for light......I feel.....nothing)
You know, You know love is hard to find, I don't let me go
I try, I try
Wait
I'm waiting, feel my heart it's slowing down
Wait,
I'm waiting for love, cause I need you now
I need you now
Oh, Oh, (feel my heart) It's slowing down
Oh yea, Oh yea, I'm waiting for love
I need you now
Wait

The Cage

2007-06-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

it's the holidays..and i'm bored..someone shoot me...

i'm having tht moment again..like when u gals have menses...but mines in the head....i'm really havng a headache now...cause i've been thinking alot..n i do mean alot....i ask some of my frens..they told me to follow my heart...well my frens my heart is confuse...so i dnt really knw wtd...i've never felt like this for a long time..n now i know y i hate it..it makes me feel emotions that i wana rip my heart out and stab it....

but thn agn it's sweet..n it has a nice feeling to it..

a fren told me only time would tell...but i'm jus afraid that if i'm not in time..i'll lose....n even if i made it jus in time..i still may lose..cause of sum of the rules n ethics...so i'm afraid n confuse..
why isit so easy jus toking bout it...but it's so hard to do it...it's like that story abt the Goldilocks's n the three bears..or red riding hood...hmmm......

and sumtimes it shows...weather the feelings mutual...but somehow i feel like it's not...but another part of me says yes...so i'm dead between 2 sides of my emotions...one feel with hate..another full of hope....

if i only i could tell u how i feel, but i can't

the end is cuming

2007-06-17T20:38:00.000+08:00

so tommorow is like my freaking exams..finally ahahaz...damn i'm nervous...hopefully i make it...been like studying like mad...so i need to make it...failure is not an option...man i'm starting to sound so crisp...it's the exam toking...ahahaz...

it's fathers day today....went out to giant Tp tdy bought like meat n veg..making western delight today for my dad..ahahz...so it's like now i'm pretty full n having a bad headache from all the fats on the meat...but hell i love emz..

wish me luck for my exam guys.....

normality

2007-06-14T20:15:00.000+08:00

today i had a weird dream in the bus..which actually came true...dreamt that there was an accident in on the road..an true enough i saw a bike crash to car on the highway..man thts jus weird...maybe i was asleep but actually awake..weird ahz..

so nothing interesting happened today..oh except i met a fren for breakfast this morning...though for a short while...but still love her company...so yeahz...ahahaz....went to school my CA was late again..i'm getting so pissed with her oredi...thn call nvr pick up....irritating ahz..

school finish early today....so went out shopping with my best bud...he wana buy a prezzie for his mom...so i was ok lets go orchard...been a long time since i gone there..so it's like ALL STILL LOOKS THE SAME!!!....but it's like tht ah..can't help...

and i bought sushi jus now...delicious..ahahz

Saviour

2007-06-10T23:01:00.000+08:00

dark cold night
breezing wind
whispers of hollow
send chills through my veins

gazing eyes of shadow
freezes the heart
leave me beat less
leave me dead

an angel of darkness
an angel of light
save me
from this poison life

aWay flYaway..breAkaway

2007-06-08T22:05:00.000+08:00

yeahz...tommorow going genting...away from this hot country......so guys don't miss me..ahahaz..i'm just gona be gone for 2 days...peace!!

VaGuely tired

2007-06-07T23:08:00.000+08:00

i feel vaguely tired today...it's funny when i sleep early i wake up tired..but when i sleep late i wake up energetic...must be psychological...but wth...i don't care..wahahz...

today i went to the expo john little sale today with my mates...they all wanted go shopping..so as i was bored..follow je ehz...it was boring as usual...they dnt have the things i want...i'm looking for a new jacket for this performance cumin up....but they dnt have..it..suks man..well gota go sumwhere else shopping..nione care to join??...

hmm...

2007-06-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

so today i feel more miserable more then often..and started listening back to all of my old songs back...the backstreet boys..those jiwangz moment u have...i dnt know why i feel this way suddenly..myb it's the stress...or the pressure in put..or it's sumthing else...i don't know..but all i know is tht i hate it...how i wish i could be emotionless..then it be so great..living each day like ur already dead...no prbs to bother u..no depressing moments..n not a care in a world...but sadly we all are curse with this emotional feelings...which is like i said god damn useless...but since were already cursed with it..might as well use it...

had my test tdy...hopefully i do well...

YEAH!!!

2007-06-04T23:35:00.000+08:00

yes!! i finaly bought a new mp3...out with the old n in with the new..actually i will keep the old mp3..it has been with me..like my best friend...i shall keep it as a memory...

shit two more days to bio class test..n i haven finish revision...hell the bloody teacher haven even start on pharmacology...expect us to study on own ehz...basket...well u can't depend on others thts wht i always say...so damn....n my go damn exams 2 weeks from now....NO!!!!!!!.....

well i do like i always do...bump my head to the books till 3am..have 1hr 30 mins of sleep..n ejoy school looking like a zombie..wahahz...

Self-conclusion

2007-06-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

so niways the other day a fren of mine..accompanied me during my coffee hour...it's nice to have sumbody around for once....ahhaz..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so niways didn't do much today...jus did some revisions.....then afterwards i took a breather...went to the park..wht was i doing there?? no not to spy on gals...jus went there to have some fresh air..n did some thinking..i love tht spot..it's quiet...peacefull..really perfect place to let go....no not let go of fart..hmm who knows ehz..ahaha....

i was setting my mind straight...there are too many complicated things tht are rushing through...i dnt know if i'm ready...myb i found it..myb i don't...it's so confusing...but i guess only time will tell....i never felt this way for a very very long time....so it's kinda like taking the first step again....but like i said only time will tell..so i jus go with the flow.....

so tdy i jus bought new specs...it's not really new..it looks like my old one..only diff design n colour...i think it's brownish gold or sumthing...myb later i see...

Angel eyes...

2007-05-31T14:44:00.000+08:00

this is a song i made call Angel eyes....my inspiration came from u....

When hope is gone
and u can't find a way
to make it through the pain

you can't find the light
to shine ur way
and ur lost in your head

jus look in these angel eyes
and you'll find the hope
to get through the pain

jus look in these angel eyes
you'll find the light
to make u whole again

when everyone around you
just leaves..
and youre all alone in this world

your heart is empty
and youre so cold
you need a warm hand
to hold......

jus look into these angel eyes
and you'll find the hope
to get through the pain

jus look in these angel eyes
you'll find the light
to make u whole again

and went time passes by
you can't make it through
take my hand
i'll take u to a place where
dreams are true.......

jus look into these angel eyes
and you'll find the hope
to get through the pain

jus look into these angel eyes
you'll find the light
to make u whole again

jus look in these angel eyes......

i'm back from the dead PEeps..

2007-05-27T19:53:00.000+08:00

orite well i been MIA for awile....been busy with "saving lives" haven't had much fun for meself...so now i'm here...well nothing interesting has happen to me...jus the same old days of my life...guess it's true when they say life passes u by in an instance....

ok enough bout me n my silly life....

now what have i seen this past few weeks...i have seen people dying...seen my frens crying...seen hearts broken...seen my teacher's tears....man why do people have to be so shit up about things...can't they just be happy n smile no matter what...u know smiling is not tht diff...it's jus a push of muscles thts all...kk fine i know u peeps got ur lil problems n u can't take a crap about it..fine i understand it's nice to shout once in awile..but killing urself about it....thts jus wrong...if u guys need help...i always here rite...c'mon three cheers for freedom!!!!!

2007-05-11T22:46:00.001+08:00

ONE WORD

2007-05-09T22:48:00.001+08:00

DEAD

LAZy to care...

2007-05-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

i find that caring for sum1 so much isn't my thing...so i come to the fact...that FUCK UR SELF ASSES...i'm too lazy to care for anyone..when all i get is deep shit.....so whts the point in it...might as well i dnt care at all....i'm just gona be nice to those who pays me...like my parents n my job...not to any of u asses who jus riped me off of my ciggs..n just be nice to me cause u have too....if u hate jus say it to myself..i reply back nicely with a simple..Fuck u!!....

so thts the end....goodbye bitches

i gota take a break....

2007-05-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

i dnt think i'll be going online for awhile...not it matters anyway...i'm going to bang myself with books..and hopefully survive the week of torture..if i don't i probably won't go online at all....but wht the hay...look at the bright side...atleast i'm finally at peace..hmm maybe not...

i don't know what to do anymore...

2007-05-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

Am i becoming crazy, or am jus dreaming about it..the voices in my head..telling me to jus end it...or isit the devil trying to test me...i don't know...i'm confuse...bewildered....i find it all jus totally
insane...too many things are going through my mine...i can't bear the pressure....it's deafening...the voices are getting louder though...am i turning Schizo....i don't know..only time will tell...after that...i'll jus break down....my enemy is my fren...n that is me..the only fear is fear from within me...it's this what have i become....why can't i be normal, why can't this feelings fade away....i feel the hurt..it must be my imagination....but it feels so real...i dnt how to comprehend it...but i'll go through...i always do...i got this far not committing suicide...........those reading this....probably one or two only....dnt worry bout me...it's not ur fault.....

slow mo....

2007-04-28T22:05:00.000+08:00

i see life in slow motion now adays....it's like everything is going so slow..i think a turtle could beat it....slow n depressing...ha!!...that's my life..nothing interesting ever happens...it's a normal bloody routine...yeah routine..wake up., shower, eat,smoke,go sch,smoke,n go home....this is how it goes every single day....not to mention the weekend....cant even step out of the house...locked in a cage of my own home...i'm so fucking pissed...but hell what can i do...i've no powers...all i have is the suicide sticks..that will kill me slowly...

if seeing is believing..then devil's do exist..in me...

jumble like bubble

2007-04-22T15:17:00.000+08:00

i'm trying to sort my thoughts one by one..cause right now..it's all jumbled up like rojak...mmm rojak..whahaz...i've been waking up with a bad mood all week n getting flue every morning..n my regular dosage isn't working as much....i think it's psychological i guess...ahahaz..

i wonder why ur infront of me..but my hearts dont want to say anything

it suks when u love someone..n u can't do anything about it...cause u know there's no chance in hell u can ever get them..n worst part about it..u pretend nthg happens but instead u mind rambles stupid shit...it really really suks...this is not suppose to be happening to me...i never encountered this bloody problem be4.. wth is wrong...does this certain person has a spell around them ....that makes one mind bubble out n his heart beating fast n slow at the same time...

i really hate this feeling..Wht should i do..

AnotHEr pain Of miSery

2007-04-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

it's been awile since i update...so let me update u guys on my life so far...i'm going to be 19 soon...gettin 1400 buks on 25th May...i still don't care what ppl thinks abt me..i do whatever i want when i want..still single...n i still love me...

so thts my life so far pretty boring..but who gives a shit...no ones reading this anyway...i can rant about that gal over there n she won't even know about it..

so basicaly .i'm toking to myself every now n then..smoking every hour just to clear my depression...i need drugs to suppress my anger....i dnt sleep well cause every time i do..i wake to anthr misery....